maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
