Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
