no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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