he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
