he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
