i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
be right there i have to get my cape
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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