can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
