shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
