Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
