Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
