I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
