Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
