i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
