dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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