just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
