I faked an abortion last night.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
