Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
