thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
