Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
