why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
