Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
