So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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