I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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