Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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