I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
