Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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