booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize