I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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