Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
