Yo dont text me then not text me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
