Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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