I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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