Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
