I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
