This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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