Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
