How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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