Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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