She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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