a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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