I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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