I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
