I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
