I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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