his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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