no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
