My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
