I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
