Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
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