Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
