you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize