when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
