You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
