Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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