HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
