I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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