Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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