i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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