dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
