i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Everyone says I win the strip club
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
