go do what you do best...puke behind churches
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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