im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
is wine microwaveable?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
