I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It's official drugs can't kill me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
