Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
