I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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