apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
