It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
