I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
