how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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