sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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