There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
