'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
