my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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