Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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